I was moving across the country, and after much deliberation, sleepless nights, and more than one failed attempt at finding a home for one of my precious five mew-meows – specifically the rambunctious and orange, trouble-maker, Tilde, the decision was made – The Fabulous Five felines were all moving with me. After accepting the reality of this decision, regardless of how preposterous it might have seemed to some people, the next profound dilemma came screeching at me ferociously — how the hell was I going to move five cats across the country?
A genius idea was born
After giving this task considerable contemplation, and scouring the internet for ideas, I considered myself a damn genius with my first plan: rent a motor home. I thought I’d had the whole thing figured out too. I was going to enlist a couple able bodies, one of them being my boyfriend, who by the way is quite allergic to felines, pack-up our suitcases and hit the road for four blissful nights, and five nothinglessthananadventure days on the road, while making our way out west. Can you hear the theme song to Rawhide playing in your head right now? We’d save money on lodging because we could sleep in our moving pussy mobile. Doesn’t that sound fun? Who wouldn’t want to sign-up for that type of adventure? So I sold the pussy mobile novelty when tossing out my proposal, and before too long, both my boyfriend and another great friend of mine were jumping onto the pussy mobile-band wagon faster than Sylvester could take a swipe of Tweedy Bird. In my mind, this would give my felines free-range of the moving motel as we trekked through river valleys, chugged up mountain peaks until finally reaching the glorious Pacific Ocean.
Okay, so maybe the term, genius was a bit too boastful?
I quickly had to scratch my genius plan after realizing how much the pussy mobile adventure would end up costing me in rental fees, gasoline, restaurants and cat food – not to mention the time it would take, which would cause undue stress and fatigue on The Fabulous Five and their faithful travel companions. Those four nights on the road started to seem more dismal than blissful.
I was on a budget
I thought about packing them all up into their special, soft carrying cases and loading them into my somewhat unreliable 1999, red Jeep Cherokee, and travel across the country that way – it would be the least expensive option too. The unreliability piece of transporting two adults and five mew-meows 2500 miles gnawed at me so badly, it kept me up at night. I decided to sell my Jeep. It was staying in Cleveland without me.
A slice of logic, please
Running into moving option road blocks was making me cranky, so thankfully my number-crunching boyfriend had me revisit the idea of flying. I had initially thought this approach was going to be the most costly way to travel, but after adding the numbers up, and comparing all the costs, plus adding in the benefit of having the entire move done in less than one day was huge for me. I was soon organizing four travelers to each take a pussy on a flight as a carry-on – the type of carry-on that fits below the seat in front of you, but makes small sounds and might feel a bit overwhelmed and scared.
Four victims are found in and around Cleveland
I think I’ve missed my calling as a marketing/sales guru, because I was able to convince my boyfriend, my mom, both who flew to Cleveland from San Diego, and two of my girlfriends that live in Cleveland to help me escort The Fabulous Five across the USofA.
Flights are booked; we are headed west!
Que the Rawhide music again, please. The comedy that ensued from this adventure will live with me forever. When I look back at that day, I can now laugh and I know in my heart I made the right choice. Albeit, I was stressed-out about the move, but the stress has since diluted, and I’m left with both fondness and affection from the experience. I like to think that strangers that didn’t know our story and saw us all walking briskly through the airport would remember the scene in Tarrantino’s Reservoir Dogs, when six criminals are all walking down the street together, wearing black suits, white shirts and skinny ties. As the five of us all walked through the airport together, we each walked with conviction and courage; we were on a mission as we each carried our small, black satchels – because inside each satchel held one of The Fabulous Five.
Are we there yet?
With the exception of one pre-boarding up-chuck, a peeing accident, and a bachelor party that had gone haywire, The Fabulous Five, their five travel companions and the balance of passengers, and crew aboard flight 866 all landed successfully and thank goodness safely in San Diego.
Note: there was a short stop in Las Vegas to change planes and one unknowing passenger’s meet and greet with three Federal Marshalls once we landed. It appears the bachelor party that had gone awry was running neck and neck with the five pussies on a plane story. In my opinion, the bachelor party attendee arrest pushed the story competition over the finish line though. The bachelor party story will have to be saved for another time though.
Fabulous Five To Date
I’m happy to report Fabulous Five are all doing very well. They’ve adapted to their new surroundings beautifully. They have full access to frolicking outside in the green, grass, vegetable gardens and fruit trees, while the palm trees sway gently with the cool ocean breeze. Well, four out of five have those outdoor privileges. There’s always an exception. We have one rule breaker in the group. He is an orange-furry, fence-jumper who will go unnamed. They all seem endlessly thrilled to be living in paradise with me, and thank me each day for not leaving them behind, or for staying in Las Vegas.