Neve, after that last blog posting…what the hell now…?
Based on my last blog post over the outsourcing nightmare I’ve suddenly awoken up to, I’m going to ride this psycho-circus, merry-go-round ride a little longer before I jump off the painted pony, which feels more like an evil stallion, and escape from the madness.
I have a few more months of pain to endure: the house I’m rehabbing is, well…let’s just say, there’s been a lot done, thus far, but there’s a lot more that needs to be done too. And its needs take money. Ironically, my desire to live debt-free has a big price tag. That price tag sometimes feels like I’ve sold my soul to the devil – working for a company that I’m choking on, because of its moral and ethical culture is so misaligned with my own. I’m trying like hell to get myself into a position that offers me more freedom to be a lot more choosey when it comes to my next job.
Bless me father for I have sinned: my penance is doing whatever I can for those people I work with that have been exploited for the almighty, fucking dollar. Dear God. Dear Universe: you know I’m doing what I can.
But what’s next for Neve after my plot to escape over the barb-wire fence of the circus? Well, that narrow escape will certainly not be unscathed, and one of my best friends and confidants thinks I should write an essay about this experience. He’s smart and he knows me. He has good advice and this is probably something I will tackle, because fuck’s sakes, I really have to get it out – my blog post was just the tip of this jacked-up situation. This shit sits with me all the time, like undigested meat rotting away in the pit of my stomach.
So, then what’s next after the essay, Neve? (I talk to myself a lot). Well, I’m going to continue studying my love for language; I start school again late summer. My goal is to work for an organization that is better aligned with my own moral and ethical compass. And hell, I really want to make a difference in people’s lives. What a concept. I want to feel good about my job; to respect its people, and to respect the organiation’s culture as a whole. And if I didn’t realize this before, I know now more than ever - that this nightmare of a situations really weighs heavy on my heart and my soul and I will think twice if and when the devil comes knocking.
Neve Black - writer, lover, sinner…working toward absolution -
ood Luck, Neve. It’s a tough one. I hope you find the right balance.
You’ll be in a better postion to find a good job, though, this time round. I wish you luck with all my heart Neve!
Hi Jo,
Thank you. I appreciate that. You’re not kidding…the slope is slippery when you’re trying to earn money, but you also have a conscious.
Love you Janine. :-)))) (my emoticon kind of looks like a double chin, huh?)
I admire you so much for walking toward that EXIT door. I bet there’s a desk somewhere in a lovely nonprofit org. just waiting for you. They probably already have your nameplate on it.
ah neve,,,first: its so much easier to finde a new job when you have a job already..and second..the last post and this shows how much of a good human you are to do all this thinking..instead of just accept the situation becaus eof money like most would…
i m a bit sad for you..i know how happy you was when they took you in for the job and all..and now the job is such a ..snake in a cats costume…
Jeremy,
Thank you. You might just be right. Non-profit organization has a nice Neve Black ring to it.
Danielle,
You’re correct. It’s much easier to find a job when you already have one, eh?
I can’t say I didn’t know I wouldn’t feel a bit wiggly about the outsourcing situation, but I had no idea how what distaste this whole thing would for me - especially after traveling to Malaysia - that really hit me hard in the stomach.
Anyway, I love your snake in a cat’s costume anology. That made me laugh and smile. Thank you.