and a little Disgruntled…don’t worry, I’m not ready to go all postal or anything, but let’s say that I’m feeling a bit unsettled.
I suppose I am slightly naïve when it comes to expecting people will do the right thing. And I suppose I’ve been like that my whole life. I expect people not to lie; to say what’s so, and I’m extremely disappointed when I find out that I’ve been lied to. It happens to me time and time again too. I think the part of me that feels dissolutioned, disenchanted and then disgruntled is there’s actually a piece inside me that is hopeful most people aren’t really liars. And when I find out differently - hope withers up and dies; taking that piece of me with it.
And just why is my expectation so unrealistic?
I suppose it should come as no surprise to you that I do not fit what the typical corporate America model looks like: blond/black hair, flip-flops whenever possible, opinionated, porn-writer, oh and I’m a liberal. Suffice to say, I’ve struggled with my new, corporate job since day one. I’ve tried to balance out the institutionalized forum with things like 2+ mile walks to and from work, a view of the Lake, taking pride in liking most of the people I work with, and most recently a trip to Malaysia – a nice perk, wouldn’t you say? When I think about the perfect corporate America model, I wonder what that looks like - and shouldn’t it look a bit more like me? Shouldn’t corporate America be a bit more gentle and honest and much less disappointing? I can’t help it, but I feel badly when people are mistreated. I hate bullies, control freaks and show-off, blow-hards.
I’ve been back to work for one week after my trip to Kuala Lumpur. If you stop on my blog postings, you’d noticed I posted a lot of pictures about food and the fantastic places I saw, along with myriad of different people I met, but what I didn’t really touch on with you is the purpose I was sent down there –
You see my company has been having some productivity issues with our team in Malaysia. I was sent along with my manager and two other people to sort out what the issue or issues are – it didn’t take too long to figure those issues out either – and our assessment was right on, but what I’ve learned upon my return is the company doesn’t necessarily want to know what the real issue is – why? Because doing something about it would expose their lies – and fixing those issues comes with a price that’s too high – so instead, let’s just smoke a mirror everyone, shift things around a bit and make it look like we’ve actually done something about what the real problem is - welcome to corporatefuckingamerica, Neve.
I was devastated after hearing that the company doesn’t have any intention of stripping away the veil and getting down to the raw, meat of what ails it; protecting what is the most valuable of all assets – human capital. And once again, just like that, hope died inside of me today. I felt nauseated and depressed. I know this news may sound trite to some of you, and maybe you’re not surprised at all, after all, what did I expect, right? It’s coporate America. But things like this really bother my sense and sensibilities. It rubs my fur the wrong way and it makes me feel horrible inside. Call me crazy, but I like to contribute, and make a difference - I was really excited when I discovered the root of evil and was hopeful the company would make a change for the better - to be honest; to do the right thing.
And just why is my expectation so unrealistic?
After a peril of a day today, I didn’t want to pop open a beer, or pour myself a heavy shot of tequila, even the wine is still sitting in its respected bottle on the baker’s rack shelf. Instead, the writer in me wanted to come out. The writer needed to come out. I needed to write this out of my system. I needed to speak the truth here, if not for anyone but for myself.
The reprieve for me is that this job has a time-line attached to it – I won’t be here forever. God I will kill someone if I didn’t have a goal I was trying to achieve, but what happens to all the people that don’t leave? That can’t leave? What’s worse, what about those that don’t think it’s really that bad – and they start to believe the lies? Drink the kool-aid, eat the shit and say it tastes really good….aaaah, jeez, there I go, feeling dissolutioned all over again.
Okay, so I vented. Now tell me, how’s everyone else’s Monday been?
Neve Black
Discombobulated, too.
Thanks for the test…test…test…it’s working, working, working.
I received no less than four different comments from different people that tried leaving comments about my outsourcing nightmare of a job, but for some odd reason they were unable to do so…they reached the Black zone. I think Radio Head’s Karma Police had something to do with that Black-out zone - oh, RH is one of my all-time favorite bands ever:
Karma police, arrest this man
He talks in maths
He buzzes like a fridge
He’s like a detuned radio
Karma police, arrest this girl
Her Hitler hairdo is
Making me feel ill
And we have crashed her party
This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get when you mess with us
Karma Police
I’ve given all I can
It’s not enough
I’ve given all I can
But we’re still on the payroll
This is what you get
This is what you get
This is what you get when you mess with us
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
And for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
For for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
Phew, for a minute there, I lost myself, I lost myself
In the early version, the first verse went:
Karma police arrest this girl
She stares at me
As if she owns the world and
We have crashed her party
Now that this is working, I’ll repeat (or rather, summarize) for “the public” what I rambled on about at greater length when I e-mailed you: I think this whole “outsourcing abroad” business model brings out the worst in Western corporations–or perhaps I should say allows them to get away with their worst. Which, imo, is why they do it.
Thank you for coming back, Jeremy. Yes, I agree, there’s a lot of mistreatment of people going on because the outsourcers think they can get away with things because labor is cheaper in other countries. And, like you, it irks me to no end. I refuse to treat people badly. Just won’t do it. I simply refuse to have any part of that and guess what? My business relationships are more prosperous because of it - crazy, I know?
I think the good news to this travesty, or the lesson is that in the end the universe fights against bad behavior; especially the mistreatment of other creatures, and something tilts the other way - like me traveling to KL has already tilted the team’s lives for the better, because I stand up for them.
For me the price of dealing with a power so great by not doing what is right is far too high of a price for me to pay than simply doing what I know is right. Plus, I’m selfish. I want to feel good and what better feeling (okay, don’t answer that) is there besides feeling good because you did what’s right?
Thank you again for taking the time and coming back to comment. I appreciate that - and do think many people share in my dissillusion, disenchantment and yes, disgruntlment.
I don’t have any answer to the riddle you’re working on Neve, but I do have an awful lot of experience with many of the things that frustrate you. Though my company backed away from outsourcing, for others it’s become “the answer.”
I saw a fellow on the TV talking about railing against the “bargain” model (ie Wal Mart.) He proposed we should be willing to spend more to buy from better companies, because this cost cutting mentality is truly the source of the problem. I’m over simplifying the thing, but hopefully the point comes across. There is something to this.
Hi Craig,
Thank you. It’s just nice to hear from my like-minded thinkers out here, you know?
I’m not sure if I know what the answer is either - to reach my goal and get the fuck out - is what I’m aiming for. You know, I have to work. And you also know I was out of a job for a fairly long time. I have bills to pay, food to eat, and places I still haven’t been, but I’ll be damned if I’ll stick it out for any extended period of time and have to feel like this. God, I want to get out before I become some robot that feels nothing, like some of the people I work with. That’s why I’m practically killing myself rehabbing a house and paying cash for it, while going to school, so I don’t have put up with the shit that I wrote about in my post.
In the meantime, each day I feel that I try and instill a little kindness, a little tenderness and respect to my fellow man - and trust me when I tell you, these people that my western-narrow-minded company think are so stupid, know exactly what’s going on - and all this shit is going to come back and bite someone on the ass.
Thanks again for your thoughts, Craig.
Don’t have much to say - it’s almost 2am here and I’ve had an incredibly shitty evening since about 11pm - but I want to say that it makes me just a little hopeful that you don’t find the koolaid all that tempting. (((((Neve)))))
Things are very broken right now - not sure how it’s going to be fixed - I know times have been worse - but still…
I fell foul of the comment blackout too. I just wanted to say how sorry I am, and how shit and just plain wrong this situation is. I haven’t got any answers either (and oh boy do I seem to be saying that a lot at the moment), but just want to let you know you’re not alone.
I know you will not stop pushing for what is decent, Neve, and that you will do what you can to set a better example. I do hope that you find a job, eventually, somewhere that doesn’t hurt the soul.
*hugs*
xxx
Janine
Hi Robin,
I hope you wake to find the world a little less shitty. I’m sorry.
My heart is warmed to know my non-koolaid drinking ways gives you hope - things are broken, but look at all the people that share the same view, and that don’t think it’s okay to mistreat others for profit. That within itself begins to mend the brokeness.
Hugs to you, sweetie.
Hi Janine,
You make me want to cry.
It does give me great hope that I’m not on some island…that’ I’m not completely insane because I don’t want to participate in exploiting tender, smart, loving and really cool PEOPLE. These are people for God’s sakes! Helllo!? That’s the piece of it that I don’t understand…as if the tables couldn’t be turned and the mistreated become the mistreaters. As if that hasn’t happened a gazillion times, huh?
I’m working on getting out - that’s all I can say. I continue to surruound myself with other people that don’t hurt my soul, which helps with the process of healing.
Thank you for coming back again - I’m sorry your comments were pulled into the Black zone the first time…
Kisses and hugs, hugs and kisses -
I wore flipflops to work today. And when I got to my office, I had to put on my “real shoes.” I’m very lucky though. Although I must carefully walk the line between real life and the art life, I have a great job…..and I stay sane like you do, by getting fresh air on a regular basis and fighting the system in small, subversive ways. But wouldn’t it be great to just be able to give the Johnny Cash finger flip and still survive? You know, I was wondering recently, wouldn’t it be fun to obtain a really great accent and just outsource ourselves — from here? I could dig it! Give me a computer and NO SHOES — I CAN HELP YOU!!! LOL. Love ya, Neve.
Gina!
I do too, when I have to drive my car to get there, otherwise I trek the 2+ miles and trade my Nikes for “real shoes”…so I so get that. I have something like three different pairs of sensible black “real shoes” in my desk drawer. hahahaha.
I love that you flip-flop into work - I can see you doing that too.
Yeah, I know that walk the line between more than I’d like to admit…more like balancing on a high beam…between real life and corporate life. Good Lord. Yeah, I guess I fight the system by not treating people badly and not buying into the bullshit. Isn’t that sad though? Treating people well should just be…and not a compromise. It’s sickening that concept isn’t baked into every company isn’t?
I think the reason most of us out here don’t buy that corporate bullshit is that it all comes down to what motivates you, right? I’m not motivated by money - it doesn’t sing to my soul. Sure, money is nice, but I don’t want to feel like a slave to it. And God, I don’t want to get caught up running around and around on a giant hamster wheel. Ugh.
Love your idea of No Shoes and outsourcing from here - “Hi. I’m shoeless, loving and hard-working…can I help you?”
Love you lots right back, baby.