Someone To Watch Over Me

This week terror struck the Boston Marathon and my niece, Colleen was running in it. It’s very difficult to describe the panic one feels in your heart when you learn that someone you love might be in danger and there’s nothing you can do. It’s a feeling of uttter helplessness. I’m not writing this to make any  non-believers into believers, but somewhere, someone was watching over my family.

This a letter is from her dad, my brother-in-law after Collen and her husband, Brian arrived safely back in San Diego:

“Colleen just got home.  She ran 25 1/2 miles of the 26 mile marathon before race officials told them the marathon was cancelled.  She walked the 1/2 mile back to the hotel, thinking Brian was in danger there at the Finish Line waiting for her.  Once they were back in the hotel, it was locked down for security.  Another bomb was found in the outside corridor by the hotel.  Brian had received a text stating that Colleen was running a 3 min mile and had already finished, and that’s why he left the finish line before the bomb went off. He thought he had missed her. He then proceeded to the meeting spot they had decided upon. The person watching her time, didn’t know that she had slowed down and was no longer making that kind of time. Thank God they are home and safe!”

I am not much of religious type of person. I moved passed my religious up-bringing a long time ago. I deeply respect those that find peace and strength in their religious credo. And even though I don’t find solace in religion per se, I am a very spirtual person. I suppose I’m more like some of the writer’s that lived before me, like William Wordsworth, or Emily Dickenson, who both found God in nature, natural things.

Part of my spirtual belief comes from an innate feeling in my gut that I just know there is a benevolent force that surrounds me all the time.

This force is intangible in its nature, so I’m unable to wrap my arms around it, but I still can feel its presence. I know its watching over me and protecting me. Why do I know this to be true? Because there have been too many times in my life when something greater than me has intervened and pulled me from out of harms way. I don’t think that’s because I’m just lucky either. I like to think that we all have spirits that watch over us. These spirtual directors in our lives throw subtle and sometimes not so subtle signs our way to try and push us all towards taking a differnt path, making a better, healthier choice, or providing us with a sign when we need it the most.

None of us get out out of here alive. Destiny awaits all of us, and I don’t think its been my destined time, or my niece and her husband’s time either to leave this life yet. And like so many times before, the spirtual force stepped in and protected when we walked to close to the edge.

Neve Black

California

I‘m starting to review and edit furniture, clothes and books that I own as my time living here in Cleveland comes to an end and I head west permantly this summer. One thing I’m not leaving behind are the felines I’ve collected while living here. Before too long, I suspect five pussies will lose their native NEO tongues and begin speaking a whole new lingo. Gods help us.

Neve Black

Things that go bump, clang, bump, BUMP, in the Night

bumpnightimage

I will openly admit that I’m a huge baby when it comes to being awoken by unknown sounds in the middle of the night. Fortunately, it doesn’t happen very often, but when it does, I’m frought with worry that replays over and over in my mind: what it is and where it’s coming from? And try as I may, I can’t go back to sleep. Have I a seen too many horror flicks? Yes. Do I have a vivid and over-active imagination? Guilty.  

Last night I heard a solid, bumping sound that pulled me from the depths of REM. Wiping the sleep from my eyes I laid in bed with furrow brow and listened to the rythmic thump. I didn’t immediately go into ghost investigative mode, because my first thought was, ”was my neighbor having a late night, turn up the bass party?“ My head tilted up from the pillow, so I could listen harder. Nope, that didn’t seem to be it, because there was also an occassional clatter and clang along with the repetitive bump. Paloma, my gray and white female stirred and bumped my nose with her head, which rustled the covers, so I couldn’t hear as clearly. Reluctantly, I gently nudged three sleeping kitties away from my legs and the left and right sides of me, before pulling back the covers and investigate this strange sound.

The cold air shreaked across my sleepy, warm skin, so I crossed my arms across my body, hoping to hold onto some of the resonating heat from my warm, bed. My bare feet shuffled to the window, pulled open the curtain and I peered outside. The snow covered driveway looked blankly up at from below, before offering a shrug to say, “I don’t know where it’s coming from.” The bumping continued. I walked into the hallway and towards the staircase. I bravely went downstairs; clutching blindly onto the banister, because I didn’t think to turn on the hallway light. I wasn’t carrying a baseball bat for protection, like it’s advised in many horror films, because you never know when you might run into a monster once you’re standing in your living room. I did however realize I’d set the alarm system, so the shrieking of sounds of a tripped alarm would have surely awoken me earlier than this fatal bumping noises. The thumping was quieter downstairs and thank gods for that, because it was much colder down there. The clock that hangs on the dining room wall registered 1:30am.  I turned and faced the thumping music and climbed back upstairs.

THUMP, clang, thump, thump, thump, THUMP-THUMP-THUMP. It was louder now once I reached the top of the stairs. My mind raced, “What the hell?” ”What and where is that bumping/thumping sound coming from?” Ten round, fully awoken feline eyes, blinked back at me. They probably thought it was far too early for breakfast and they didn’t seem to know where the sound was coming from either, nor did they seem to care. It appeared no one but me was bothered in the least by this unidentified sound, but I felt I must carry on and learn of its origin.

After ducking into the laundry room; placing my ear against the outside walls a few times and going into the bathroom and standing on the cold, tile floor - listening to the continued bump, thump, clang, thump, trying to figure out where it was strongest. I went back into the hallway and finally realized the sound was coming from, the attic. The sickening feeling encroached upon my stomach like a bad egg salad sandwich. The attic is never good. It’s never good in horror films and it’s no good in this situation either. The attic in my house is a scary place, filled with a lot messy insulation stuff that spills out occasionally onto the golden hardwood floors below it. The only light that comes from the attic, is what’s provided naturally and it was pitch black at the moment. The only way into the attic is through a very small door in the ceiling, that pushes back to one side on hinges. The door is heavy and I have to use a ladder; climb up each scary rung and then stand on my tip-toes, let go of the ladder and push, push, push with two hands to get the attic door to open. The very few times I’ve braved looking into the attic was in broad daylight and contrators were showing me the fancy new vents they installed to pull the hot air out for the whole house fan. “Thankyouverymuch, we can close this door up now.” Was my response after quickly viewing the small, scary place.

I stood below and looked up at the ominious attic door, THUMP-THUMP-BUMP-CLANG-BUMP. I realized I wasn’t brave enough to go searching up there at this hour, so I resolved myself to get back into bed; pull the covers up over my head and try like hell to tune it out.

I laid in bed for what seemed liked hours, while the thumping and bumping and clanging continued. It was taunting me. It was relentless. It was cruel.

I must have finally fallen back asleep, because when I awoke, I could see the sunlight peeking through the drawn curtains next to my bed. The thumping was queiter now too, but still present. I did pull the ladder out from the basement and even thought about climbing up the rungs and peering into, the attic. I thought it best to call someone I know and offer to pay them to pretty, pretty please come at their earliest convenience and identify the attic ruckus.

Not a thump was heard all day today, but to reassure my weary mind, my friend Tim was kind enough to come over and climb up the ladder, push back the hinged-heavy attic door and open the mouth of where the thumping sound echoed in the wee hours of the morning. Tim having no fear of ladders, or attics, brought his trusty light to help search for the thumping culprit. Minutes ticked by as I stood on the solid, safe ground below waiting to hear the verdict on his findings. I wondered if he might find an animal that had gotten trapped up there. I also wondered if he might come down fully covered in green slime from a pesky ghost that was living up there. I wasn’t sure what to expect really.  

In the corner of where the noise was the loudest, Tim found a large, metal object, which he dusted off and removed from above. Tim thinks the wind blowing through the vents caused the metal to move and bump up against the house. He mentioned he saw a couple 2X4′s and thought the metal may have rattled against those as well. Of coure, he has no real proof, but did mention it was rather windy last night. He saw no animals, nor any ghosts.

Relieved to hear this good news, we closed up the scary attic again and I bid farewell to the metal, clanger-banger-thumper once and for all! I have to mention, my imagination is still highly suspicious though and will keep my eyes and ears open for any monsters or ghosts.

Neve Black

Krzysztof Kieślowski and Oscar Countdown

As the Academy Award ceremony fastly approaches, I’m taking some time and looking at films that I’ve seen both recently and from the past that have stuck to my ribs, so-to-speak, because they’ve resonated a powerful force within both my heart and soul. I’d like to see the Academy have a category for best scene within a film, which I’m listing on my Neve Film Critique page. This category could be anything from scariest to hottest moments on screen.

What are some of your favorite film scenes? And why?

For those of you that really love film for all its heart-felt, painstakingly directed, compellingly written and acting that goes beyond this universe, be sure and check out anything and everything by the Polish director, Krzysztof Kieślowski.

There is not a single question in my mind that Kieślowski is among the top five screen writers and directors ever. Gods, what I would have done to spend just a small amount of time with him. I would have fetched coffee, cleaned the toilets and run errands to have had the chance to sit down for 10 minutes with this man and just talk listened. *Sigh*

This rare interview shows the great amount of detail he uses when creating his films. This is from the film, Blue, which happens to be one of my top 10 besties:

Neve Black

Cupid and Psyche

“…Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
Nor hath love’s mind of any judgement taste;
Wings and no eyes figure unheedy haste.
And therefore is love said to be a child
Because in choice he is so oft beguiled….”
William Shakespeare from A Midsummer Night’s Dream

 Cupid_slutty

Cupid, God of desire and Psyche, a mortal princess, are a mythological love story that pre-dates Romeo and Juliett.

Prior to studying mythology in one of the many English classes I’ve been in, I used to think that Cupid was a slutty-type of dude. This was mostly based on my intrepreation of his devilish, boyish-smirk, ALWAYS naked body and wings to fly, fly, fly away whenever he wanted. And to my slutty Cupid point, somewhere in the life of Cupid and the world of mythology, Cupid acquired his bow and arrow that represents his source of power: “a person, or even a deity, who is shot by Cupid’s arrow is filled with uncontrollable desire.” Wikipedia

That kind of slutty-type of Cupid is the kind of guy you can have a good time with, but shouldn’t expect a call from him the next day, let alone breakfast in the morning. Keep in mind, his wings were made for flying and that’s just what he’d do: fly right into the bed of the next person he set his arrow on being with. He is Californication’s Hank Moody of Cupids

This was my own intrepretation of Cupid, until I learned from studying the classics that he accidentally poisoned his heart with his own arrow and he was forever in love with Psyche. For some reading this that didn’t know that, or forgot – yes, it’s true, or fiction, or mythology, or…so the story goes.

We’re celebrating Valentine’s Day this week, so let’s examine what the tip of Cupid’s arrow was poisoned with: uncontrollable desire for just a moment. I suppose I’ve been involved with the modern day slutty- type of Cupid now and again in past years. And each Valentine’s Day that approached, or really any celebrated holiday, I hoped it was my heart he chose to shoot his arrow into and not another damsel, or two, or three. Is it pointless to say that I was always disappointed with the slutty-type of Cupid? There was never a chocolate, nor a flower delivered to me. Hurt and angered, I swore I’d never see him again…that was until he raised his steady arm; pulled back his trusted bow and with agility and persuasion, shot his arrow with trained accuracy into the middle of my already bleeding and broken heart….

That was until one day I became stronger than him. I no longer was interested in his sweet talk, the speed of his wings, his bow, nor his arrow anymore. I was immune to his type of slutty-uncontrollable desire. I wanted something more. I wanted a real Cupid. Not a boy with a smirkish grin and a fierce aim. I wanted chocolates, flowers and breakfast in the morning. I wanted a real relationship with someone that love, uncontrollable desire and mutual respect was celebrated everyday, not just hoping for special treats on particular days, like Valentine’s Day.

This year, like last year, as I bath in the scent and visual beauty of the long-stemmed roses the real Cupid in my life sent me, I want everyone to know there are lots of slutty-type Cupids in the world and you shouldn’t settle for one them if your heart desires something more. And although my search for the perfect Cupid took longer than I had hoped, I can say that my search was thorough and like the arrow of Cupid, precise.

 

Happy Valentines Day
Psyche writing for Neve Black